How to Protect Yourself Around Harsh or Inappropriate People You Can’t Avoid
When someone is harsh with you, talks inappropriately, and makes you feel small or stupid, it can be very difficult to cope, especially if there’s no way to avoid them. In these situations, it helps to focus on both protecting yourself internally and setting boundaries externally. First, remind yourself that their behavior is a reflection of them, not a measure of your worth. You can quietly ground yourself with affirmations such as “Their words don’t define me” or “I know who I am,” so you don’t take on their negativity.
When possible, try to set boundaries, even if only in small ways. A calm, firm response like “I don’t appreciate that comment” or “That’s not appropriate” can make it clear that their behavior won’t be accepted. If directly confronting them feels unsafe or too difficult, you can still create invisible boundaries by limiting eye contact, keeping your responses minimal, and refusing to engage with their attempts to make you feel small. Sometimes a neutral approach, known as the “grey rock” method, is useful — you respond in flat, short, factual ways, without showing emotion, so their harshness loses its power to provoke you.
It can also help to protect your mental space while you’re with them. You might imagine a kind of shield between you and their words, so what they say bounces off instead of sinking in. Slowing your breath in those moments can also shift you away from feeling triggered and into a calmer state. Afterwards, it’s important to process what happened: writing things down helps you separate their behavior from your own identity, and talking it through with someone you trust prevents you from internalizing their negativity.
In the longer term, if this person is part of your workplace, family, or another setting with clear structures, you may want to explore formal ways of addressing the behavior, such as HR, mediation, or support from a supervisor. And if removing them from your environment isn’t possible, strengthening your support system elsewhere can help balance the impact of their negativity.
